BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

 

September 17, 2024

Ephesians 4:32 

 “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ as forgiven you” 

So Yesterday we mentioned that forgiveness is a process. While the Bible calls us to forgive each other and emphasizes that the forgiveness we have received through God's grace in Jesus is our example for this. Asking for forgiveness or extending forgiveness to another can be a hard journey. Being hurt, or lied to by someone you trusted can run very deep within us. So when we say that the bible tells us to forgive those who have scarred us, that is an uncomfortable teaching. Maybe yesterday as you read the Bible passages you felt this lump in your stomach, this wall going up, or found yourself saying "You don't know what happened to me." 

To further our understanding of forgiveness, it's crucial to address common misconceptions about what forgiveness does not entail. The following are some thoughts that I have have found of great help in my life.

Forgiveness is not denying, approving, or diminishing the wrong that was committed against you. Acknowledging the true extent of the wrong done to you is crucial if you seek sincere forgiveness. It's not about claiming you're okay, downplaying the issue, or pretending you've moved on because it's in the past. To forgive is to recognize that the person's actions were wrong and unacceptable to you, and that it matters greatly. Forgiveness isn't about condoning their actions; it's about not letting their actions consume your heart.

Forgiveness is not enabling continued wrongdoing. While Jesus teaches us that forgiveness ought to be extended many times, Matthew 18:21-22 "Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." (see also, Luke 17:3-4). Forgiveness should be granted in a way that does not condone or facilitate further harm or violation by the individual. Forgiveness does not equate to permission for repeated offenses. That's why above we mentioned that downplaying an offense is an unhealthy approach as it lifts the accountability off the shoulders of an offender.

This leads to this thought that Forgiveness is not forgetting about what was committed against you. I think that is actually impossible to completely forget such things. You are not going to forget about some pain, abuse, or violation that was made against you. Just because you still remember and the memory still hurts, does not mean you are walking in unforgiveness. Just because you still remember and the memory still hurts, does not mean you are walking in unforgiveness. Yes, I wrote the previous sentence twice in hoping we all take that in. Remembering an offense may be more of an indication that you are still hurting or grieving over the hurt. In the Bible when God says, “Their sin I will remember no more,” I do not believe that it means that He has no memory, but rather that He chooses not to bring it up or keep it in the forefront of His thinking. He does not hold it against them anymore. You can forgive someone and still feel hurt by the offense but not hold it against the person.

Forgiveness is not a one-time event. Those who have been hurt and wounded will have seasons when they feel the pain of past hurts and have to forgive their offenders yet again. A thought, a smell, a picture, a sound, or word, a situation can trigger an emotional response and maybe rekindle the bitterness you once had. Even if the person is out of your life, you still may have to forgive that person in your heart again.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is you forgiving the offender. Repentance is the offender asking for forgiveness and to stop doing the offensive actions. Reconciliation is when both forgiveness by the sufferer and repentance by the offender meet. Sometimes, reconciliation requires time, a lot of time especially when trust has been violated.

Forgiveness is not neglecting justice. If a crime has been committed against you, you can forgive the criminal and call the police to arrest him or her at the same time. Just because you forgive someone does not mean that they do not need to face the consequences of their actions. 

Without forgiveness our life will be controlled by an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation that is why Jesus invites us into a space of forgiveness. There is healing in that space but it can be a tough space to be, and we will need the powerful activity of God's Spirit to help us through. Guess what? That is exactly what we are promised in the word of God.  "I will heal your wounds," declares the Lord." (Jeremiah 30:17)